These are the emotional joints in my life where bone meets bone, and celebrating myself feels vain, and I wonder if my dedication to Svadhyaya (the study of Self in yoga) is simply a public display of self-indulgence by a selfish person.
Hey y’all,
It’s been a minute, and you may think that I left you hanging. I didn’t. I just had to put myself first and be discreet during that minute, and a little bit longer.
deep breath. hold it for 3…. 2 …. 1 …. exhale.
I won’t tell too much of my business, but a major window in my life has closed as I look to turn 50 this year.
I quit drinking. But I’d like a little something for special occasions.
I value things like new books to add to my stack, journal notebooks, and fancy coffee from fancy coffee shops, I lean further into my own interests as always, acknowledge that I was part of the problem, and take way less time to let go of heavy things, even if they belong to me, I’m not hesitating to set that sheeyh down.
I’ve learned that some spend so much time and energy trying to teach you the lesson that they can’t see their own in the same set of clouds.
I learned someone was in love with me.
I fumbled relationships that I want back, and I’m having trouble getting over it.
I learned a lot about men. I so love men, and I mean, I genuinely love me some men, especially a real family man.
I’ve behaved in different ways that have earned me more respect, but I need to get a few more things off my chest soon, and I hope y’all are reading this and gain understanding before your feathers are ruffled.
I lost my Tee Tee Ann. My cousin’s young adult children also lost their Mom. Within two days.
I’m about finished sending my nephew to college, and I’m so proud it feels vain.
I’m practicing learning a new lifestyle in which I move differently, but I DESPISE having to explain to people why I pivot, or take a few steps back, or change my whole shit up.
My father’s aging makes me panic.
These are the emotional joints in my life where bone meets bone, and celebrating myself feels vain, and I wonder if my dedication to Svadhyaya (the study of Self in yoga) is simply a public display of self-indulgence by a selfish person.
So what’s up with y’all? Y’all been writing?
Let me see some of it - your writing. Post in the comments. Send me an email or DM me if you prefer a private message. And what would y’all want to see here? More writing prompts? Challenges? Interviews? Free events. Share your thoughts if you’re here; you might as well settle in. Subscribe. Connect with me or someone else in this space.
I’m thinking of a podcast. I just have some questions I’d like to ask and get some perspective on because I love love good, meaningful conversations that stretch me someplace especially my mind, my heart, or my loins. Intellect, heartwork, some cussing, orgasms, reefer, and fresh flowers for no reason. If you’re here for that, then come on.
-Sonia a.k.a Tooda
